5 years and 3 months later: an update

I swore I would leave this Blog alone. Keep it sacred and in the past. But I just couldn't do it. After reading it over and over, there was something that I needed to explain.

Now that my love is here with me again I realized something about then and now.
I still worship him.
Just as I did before I ever laid eyes on him.

Today marks 7 months back together and my love for him is unchanged.
No, I take that back. It is strengthened by all we have endured.
I know we can make it through anything life throws at us.
No matter what happens in this world, one thing is constant, and that is the love I feel for the boy who stole my heart all those years ago.

The one who wrote me love poems, and slayed spiders as I cowered in fear.
Who would talk to me long distance, and spend hours online just watching me on camera.

The boy who used to always joke around. Who would be silly, singing Westside story, just to see me laugh. With his long blonde hair falling in his face, smiling as I admired him.
He liked it when I admired him.

Imagine my surprise when I saw how much time had changed him.
When I saw him again and I saw that he was not the boy I remembered.
He could never be that boy again.

Instead he was a man who showed me amazing kindness every day.
Love that I had never even read about.

He lived to see me smile, and to show me what it meant to feel wanted.
To sacrifice anything and everything so I would always be cared for.
A man of character and brilliance. Someone I couldn't help but want to be around.
I saw not only the boy I once loved, but the man I would never be without.
I am proud to stand next to him.

I'll never know what he sees when he looks at me. But I thank all I have that we found each other again, and that I still have this old blog to remember how things were before we ever even met.

To think I was lucky enough to find him out there, with all the people in the world... not once, but twice.

I will always remember that shy boy with his hair in his face, and his shy smile, and I will forever be grateful for the man that he turned out to be.

Missing Him

Hello All! Here it is 12:30am on monday morning (or is it sunday night?) Anyway....this is my first night in a week alone, and I have to say IT SUCKS!!! I believe myself to be having withdrawls...but maybe my love will give me a call and make my symptoms subside. In happier news I will be apartment searching tomorrow in the AM and hopefully will find a place nearer to you know who. my plans sound good in theory...but I am quite anxious to find out if they will hold up in real life. I had quite the week while I was MIA. Spent a lot of time with Josh packing him up to move, and had dinner with some of his old friends. I was quite impressed with him tonight, as he single handedly slayed a rather large spider. I of course was cowering behind a blankie in fear. *sigh* How brave is that! In even more news Katie is sick. She has been really stuffy tonight...and i need her to get a flu shot soon, but she has to get well first. I hope hope hope she doesnt get the flu! That would suck. (yawn) Well I guess it's bed for me now. I will let you all know how the apartment search went...although who knows if I have any readers left after my hiatus. Goodnight all!

Happiness

I'm in love! I know I've found happiness, but at what point do you have to just let go and see what happens. I have the urge to hold on for dear life, but somehow I know that will only destroy everything. I hope I have the wisdom this time to make it all work. God he's beautiful.

Hanging on

For those of you wondering where I have been lately I want to say I'm sorry! As many of you know I came back to Chattanooga last week and every since I've been home things have been upside down. Hopefully I'll be able to collect my thoughts enough to make a decent post tonight...I definately have things to say...but everything is so fucked right now. I am trying to get there from here, but as always..I'm in between again. Who knows what's gonna happen, but I do want to say thanks to a special someone who has really been standing behind me during my craziness. You know who you are...and if it was not for you, I don't think I could make it another step. It is a true friend who will accompany you on a journey such as the one I am on. I love you. So thats all for me now. Hope I will be able to pick this up where I left off. Wanted to let you all know I'm still hanging on.
---Oh and chad..if you're reading this...Show yourself kid...don't make me come lookin for you now!

Where Credit Is Due

I would just like to credit the previous posted poem to someone by the name of Chad Patrick Stover. Thanks Chad for your wonderful writing...and if you happen to come across anything else, feel free to send it to me!

Coming home, and other news

Sorry I haven't posted for a long time...however I've been a bit busy. As some of you may know...I'm heading back to Tennessee Tuesday! So after a drive to Eugene, a stop in Phoenix, and a car ride from Atlanta...I'll once again be HOME!!! I was going to make a normal post tonight, but I recieved an email from someone which caught my attention. Normally I would not pay attention to words of this nature written to me by a stranger...however, I wonder if it was a strangers words? If anyone seems to know anything about this poem...please...let me know. Thanks so much guys..here it is. *oh one more thing. I'M COMING HOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Hopefully we can think of a way to get me from atlanta in one piece. Should I start bribing Brianne now?*


I walk silently along the shore. The sand is so soft and cool against my feet.
The wind touches my lips like you used to. So warm and sweet.
Blowing like your fingers through my hair.
The birds in the sky fly with the same freedom as you.
The waves cover the sand below, like you cover me with your love.
The soft white mist across each wave reminds me of your scent.
The sky above me is as clear as your eyes. All I see takes me back to you.
You surround me, you keep me so warm from the cool ocean breeze.
I stop, kneel down to the sand and gently run my fingers through,
as they once brushed across your heart. Then I reach for a handful.
The sand is so soft and silky, almost like your skin.
I look down on the sand. I do remember you. I open my eyes to look again.
A tear slowly makes way down my cheek.
I feel the pain in my heart as the tear's streak becomes ever so long.
Then, as I feel on the edge of my eternal fate, the tear lets go. My life is spared.
The tear collides with the sand I hold in my hand.
I close my eyes once again. I whisper your name... 'Jennifer'.
The wind picks up as another wave crashes and I let the sand go...
... Then you kiss me.

Yet Another Poem

This is a poem by a contemperary poet named Frank Labaty. Very Talented. I have included a link to more of his work...hopefully I have done this correctly! Enjoy.

Crowded-Frank Labaty

I hear your voice.
Lonely in a crowded room, closing my eyes for a moment,
I hear your voice ... and smile.
Mid-day, all hell breaking loose, I hear your voice and know that I am loved and everything falls into place.
After our meetings, my heart is full because of you.
Reflecting that joy, I sing as I walk.
Greeting strangers and friends with a smile, holding you close ... my own secret treasure.
Between meetings, I know that we have the same thoughts and feel the joining of our love and understanding.
We, together, know that our bond is limited only by our capacity to love and care for one another.
Hearing your voice, I am again whole and content.
Your voice bringing your love to me is warm comfort, reminding me that in knowing you, our love is a state of being.
We shall have our time together, you and I. To talk, dance, laugh ... to live our love

A Quote on Love

La Vita Nuova

In that book which is
My memory...
On the first Page
This is the chapter when
I first met you
Appear the words...
Here Begins a new life.

-Dante Alighieri

And again I ramble about my love, which seems to be all I can say lately. This sums up everything. Since I have met him, my life never will be the same. I feel as if I have been reborn a new girl. One who is happy and alive, and unafraid of any challenge.

To You

Here is a piece of one of my favorite poems by a favorite author, Walt Whitman. He was known best for his opus on America entitled Leaves of Grass which was published at his own expense in 1855. He was criticized in his time because of his exaltation of the body and sexual love, however his works marked a turning point in American literature. As I was thinking tonight of my own love, who is so much a stranger to me still, these verses ran through my mind and I felt compelled to share them hoping they may mean as much to someone else as they do to me right now.

To You
by Walt Whitman(1819-1892)

Whoever you are, I fear you are walking the walks of dreams,
I fear these supposed realities are to melt from under your feet and hands,
Even now your features, joys, speech, house, trade, manners,troubles, follies, costume, crimes, dissipate away from you.
Your true soul and body appear before me.
They stand forth out of affairs, out of commerce, shops, work, farms, clothes, the house, buying, selling, eating, drinking, suffering, dying.
Whoever you are, now I place my hand upon you, that you be my poem,
I whisper with my lips close to your ear.I have loved many women and men, but I love none better than you.

O I have been dilatory and dumb, I should have made my way straight to you long ago,
I should have blabb'd nothing but you, I should have chanted nothing but you.
I will leave all and come and make the hymns of you.
None has understood you, but I understand you;
None has done justice to you, you have not done justice to yourself;
None but has found you imperfect, I only find no imperfection in you;
None but would subordinate you, I only am he who will never consent to subordinate you.
I only am he who places over you no master, owner, better, God, beyond what waits intrinsically in yourself.

Painters have painted their swarming groups and the centre-figure of all,
From the head of the centre-figure spreading a nimbus of gold-color'd light.
But I paint myriads of heads, but paint no head without its nimbusof gold-color'd light.
From my hand from the brain of every man and woman it streams, effulgently flowing forever.
O I could sing such grandeurs and glories about you! You have not known what you are;
You have slumber'd upon yourself all your life.
Your eyelids have been the same as closed most of the time.
What you have done returns already in mockeries,(Your thrift, knowledge, prayers, if they do not return in mockeries, what is their return?)